Dear Edward
by Elosion12
Summary: Dear Edward, It's been 7 years since my 18th birthday party, I won't deny that I still have feelings for you but the pain's for bearable now. Maybe, if I ever get the courage to send you one of these letters, we could be friends. Maybe.
1. September 13, 2006

Dear Edward,

It's me…Bella. Today's my 19th birthday. It's been a long year…well, for me anyway. You're probably too distracted to remember.

I miss you…a lot. I've been lonely. Well, Jacob Black's been a good friend lately but he's just not you. Every night I wake screaming from nightmares. Well, a nightmare since it's the same every night; you leave and take my heart with you, leaving my shell behind to suffer life without you.

Charlie would come in and wake me up, for the first few months anyway. After awhile, he stopped. He tells me that I'm a zombie, a shell of my former self. That I go through everyday not really registering what happens. He's right. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I sit alone at lunch and avoid talking about why you left…why you left me behind. It hurts too much to tell them that you don't love me anymore so I just disconnect myself from life.

Charlie and Jake made me apply for colleges after you left. They helped fill out applications to a few places, including Dartmouth and University of Alaska, but I ended up going to Olympia College with Angela; she's my roommate now. I decided to major in Behavioral Sciences and minor in Music. Since you left, the only thing that can make me fall asleep at night is thinking about the lullaby you made me. I can't remember most of it but even the snippets I do remember help. I want to remember it, so I figure learning piano would help. Hopefully, by my next letter, I can tell you about my progress with the lullaby.

* * *

"Bella, are you alright?" My dad stole my attention from the letter in front of me as he visually searched me, waiting for an answer.

As I was caught offguard, I stuttered for a response. "Oh, uh, I'm fine dad. Just, uh...writing a letter to Mom. That's all." What a lie. If he knew that I was writing a letter to my exboyfriend who left me, he'd throw a fit.

"Oh, well, alright then. You looked like you were about to cry. That's why I asked." Well, he's got that right. "Here, I got this for you. Happy Birthday, Bells." He handed me a small package, wrapped in newspaper with a red present bow on top.

As I unwrapped it, a small ornament fit for a tree appeared. "Dad, what is it?"

"It's a Christmas tree ornament. Read what's written on it and you'll understand why I got it for you."

I began to read the small quotes, that seemed to be removed from a book and shoved inside the ornament, and realized that they're quotes from Emily Brontë's _Wuthering Heights_. "Oh wow. Thanks, dad." I placed the ornament on the newspaper and stood from where I sat at the dining room table. As my dad retrieved the ornament with a sigh, I walked over to a drawer in the kitchen and pulled it open, looking for an envelope and a stamp.

Was I really about to mail this joke to him? _Bella, I'd love to hear from you. Go on, mail it to me. Well, you might want to find my address first._

His ghostly voice rang inside of me and I shook my head to rid the voice. I don't have the courage to actually mail it. I know I don't. So I tri-folded the paper and placed it in the envelope, licking it shut and stamping it but not writing any addresses on it. With a sigh, I retreated to my room where I threw the letter in my desk drawer and collapsed on my bed, dreading every second I spent without him.


	2. September 13, 2007

Dear Edward,

It's my 20th birthday today, though you've probably forgotten me completely in two years. It's hard to believe that it's been two years since you left me in the woods, all alone. Two years since you stole my future from me, since you stole my life. I still have the nightmares of you leaving but I don't scream anymore. It still hurts though; it hurts as much as it did they day after you left.

Renee's here. She came to visit me for my birthday but she's about to leave. Phil's really gotten lucky in the minor league and now he has a chance to play in the MLB so she has to go back to him. She's been hovering over my shoulder all day and hasn't given me an opprotunity, until right now at 11pm, to write this. I can see the fear when she looks at me. Her eyes say 'that's not my daughter' over and over again. Right now, she's downstairs arguing with Charlie about what to do with me. She's already suggested me moving to Florida with her but I can't.

Forks is all I have left of you and your family...all I have left of my first boyfriend, my first kiss...I can't leave. Charlie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's not long ago, it hasn't been bad recently but he'll forget little things on occassion. His gun belt, where he left his keys, etc. Charlie says he doesn't need me but I know he does...

College is alright. I have a good GPA and my classes are nice but life is still grey and dull. I changed my minor. I can't do music, it hurts too much. When I just touch a piano, an ache runs through me, bringing back all the times you played for me and all the times you sang my lullaby to soothe me into slumbering. I guess I'll never hear the lullaby again...

* * *

As I heard the door close, I folded the letter neatly and hid it within my heavily used copy of _Wuthering Heights, _though I haven't read it in over two years.

Angela approached the small work desk where I sat, with her books and a coffee in hand. "Hey, Bella. Whatcha up to?"

Unsure what to say, I shrugged and lifted my book to show her I was reading. Did I feel bad for lying to Angela? Yeah, but I don't know how she'd react if I told her.

She sighed. "Bella, you don't have to lie to me. I know you weren't reading. You never read unless it's for a class." She walked toward her bed and laid her stuff down and placed her coffee on the nightstand. When I turned to face her to plead my case, she had a look in her eyes that spoke volumes.

Defeated, I sighed. "Alright. I was writing a letter," The awkward silence that followed screamed 'to who?' but I was reluctant to answer. "To Edward."

"Why? Didn't he leave you?" When I whimpered, she corrected herself. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I mean, why now?"

"It's my birthday today. I thought maybe on the day he decided to leave me each year, he would think of me. Maybe I'm wrong,"

Angela sighed and walked over to me, grabbing one of my hands. "Bella, I think that's a great idea! Has he responded yet?"

I lowered my head and started fidgeting with my hands. "Well, uh, I haven't actually...sent him one yet."

"Then what have you been doing with them?"

I bit my lip. "Uh, not...sending them," She waited for me to elaborate. "I've been keeping them, I'm too afraid to send one. What if he shows up here or something?"

She chuckled lightly. "Bella, I'm sure he won't show up here. Just don't put a return address on the letter and he won't be able to show up. Then again, he won't be able to respond either."

I sighed. "I don't know, Ange...maybe next year. The wound is still too fresh."

"I understand, Bella." She hugged me tightly and I felt the friendship radiate off her in waves. "No matter what you decide, I'll always be here for you." She gave me one last squeeze and then retreated to where her books laid on her bed.

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Ange."

We ended the night by talking about our classes and even a little about Edward... After awhile, she could tell that I didn't want to talk anymore so we said goodnight and went to sleep. Well, she did. I, on the other hand, just laid in bed, staring at the dark ceiling thinking about what it would be like to see Edward again.


	3. This is Very Important!

**I apologize for the readers who had their hope smashed when they found this A/N in place of the next chapter of one of my stories but I'm here to tell you that I'm going to start cleaning up. Which means, I'm going to stop starting random stories and work on the ones I have currently. Currently, I have nine stories. I haven't worked on some of them in forever and it annoys me.**

**So here's my plan.**

**On my profile, there is a poll. The question is "Which story should I update and work on first and foremost?" There are eight options. I did not put my story "A Perfectly Good Heart No More" as an option because it is on hiatus until I get around to redoing the entire story. Every other story is an option in the poll and you can only pick one.**

**Based on the poll, these will be the results:**

**The two stories with the most votes will be my primary projects.**

**All other stories will be put on hiatus until further notice.**

**If any story recieves zero votes it will be DELETED FROM FANFICTION. Although I wouldn't want to do that to something that I put a lot of work into, if it happens I will. There's no telling if I might republish it with a different name.**

**Thank you for understanding and helping me set my priorities.**

**Elosion12**


	4. This is Very Important! Part II

**Hello again, my readers!**

**Well, the results are in! I have closed the poll and I will now announce which two stories will become priorities.**

**In first place is "Starting Anew"**

**In second place is "Addicted to You"**

**And I am happy to say that NONE of my stories received zero votes. Therefore, none will be deleted! Yay!**

**Now, the other six stories are on hiatus until I feel that "Starting Anew" and "Addicted to You" are updated enough to my liking. I will then start updating the others, in sets of two.**

**In third place is "I Just Want You to Know Who I Am"**

**Fourth is "The Few, The Proud, The Marines"**

**In fifth is "Dear Edward"**

**In sixth place is "Assassin's Creed: Twilight"**

**In seventh is "A Hole of Darkness"**

**And in eighth place is "His Majesty is Found At Last"**

**So, that's that. I will start writing the next chapters now and will post them as soon as I can.**

**Elosion12**


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